Toddlers gain intelligence at an amazing rate — but the fact is, getting smarter enables children to imagine all kinds of frightening scenarios. Phobias and fears become increasingly common around the 20-month mark, with some (fear of dogs, for example) more rational than others (the bathtub drain).
That ever-expanding imagination also allows your tot to dream up more pleasant scenarios, though. Around this age, she may start to play pretend games, like “feeding” a doll or “walking” a toy dog.
This type of play allows toddlers to build their creativity and curiosity, and experiment with social roles that they’ll take on in the future. Look how fast they grow up!
Here’s what else you can expect from your 20-month-old. Some pretty irrational fears start to crop up around this month — of the vacuum cleaner, the toilet, the blender. That’s because at this age, toddlers have learned a lot about the world around them. But right now, they’re not mature enough to sort out what’s possible from what’s not. Translation: You know the vacuum cleaner can’t suck your child up, but she doesn’t — and it may take some time before she realizes it. There are plenty of ways to help your toddler cope with fear, the first of which is acknowledging that being scared is okay and that you’re afraid sometimes too. Another hallmark of the approaching-2 set is aggressive behavior: i.e. hitting, biting and hair pulling, which is fueled by frustration (“I know what I want, but I don’t know how to get it!”), egocentricity and lack of impulse control. Dropping the morning nap — which often comes around the mid-year mark, give or take — isn’t likely to help matters. Again, you are your child's ally and teacher when it comes to learning how to tame aggressive instincts: Try praising positive behavior, providing opportunities for venting, and keeping playdates brief and small. And remember, your child’s temperament is neither her fault nor yours, and there are effective strategies to help both you and your toddler cope — support being key among them. There’s no predicting your child’s appetite from day to day, but as long as she’s following her growth curve, she’s likely eating as much as she needs. And speaking of growth, just look at how far your child has come since her first birthday: Most 20-month-old boys weigh about 20 to 31 pounds, and measure about 31 to 35½ inches tall. Most girls weigh about 18½ to 30 pounds and measure 30 to 35 inches tall. Despite all this growth, mealtime may still seem like a struggle. Remember that your toddler’s diet is still a work in progress — not a finished masterpiece. When you serve up old favorites — mac and cheese, pasta with butter, PB&J — offer something new on the side, like a slice of avocado or a spoonful of hummus. And don’t underestimate the power of plating: By changing up your tot's sandwich’s shape (cut into a heart instead of a square or sliced into pinwheels, for example), you might just entice her to take a bite. Your toddler loves to keep you guessing when it comes to her care and health — and guess you shall, about what’s in her diaper (“Is that green poop?”), what she put into her mouth (“Is that a leaf?”) and what she just dropped in the toilet (“Is that my phone?”). A little bit of fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s the totally fearless tots you really have to watch. But when your child is afraid of dogs, it can make it a little hard to go for a walk — not to mention enjoy all the benefits of having a furry-footed companion. Spend some time acclimating your tot to some less-scary canines in the form of stuffed dogs or push-pull toys, which won’t bark or wag their tails. Or read her books about dogs, which depict furry friends as playmates and helpers. Speaking of furry additions to your family, are you wondering whether now is the time to take the plunge and get a pet? Like toddlers, pets are cute and cuddly. Also like toddlers, they’re a big responsibility. Before you swing by your local pet store or shelter, ask yourself a few questions. Is your toddler comfortable around animals? Some tots are afraid of animals, particularly large ones, while others take to four-legged friends easily. If your toddler seems to like critters of various kinds, consider whether you have enough room in your home, time in your schedule, and money in the bank for both a pet and a child. Both will likely need plenty of space to roam around in, and they’ll have to play nicely together. You may set the rules in your house, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give in to your toddler every once in a while. That doesn’t mean caving to her every demand, but it might mean letting her have the occasional victory. If, for example, you’ve been running errands all day and your toddler — who’s hungry, cranky and fed up — suddenly puts down her tiny foot and yells, “No!” there’s nothing wrong with letting her have her way. Not only are you avoiding an evitable public meltdown, but you’re also teaching your tot a valuable lesson: Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. As amusing as it may be to see your toddler stick her finger in your nose, try to resist the urge to giggle. Laughing at your child’s antics only sends the message that you approve of the behavior — which will make the habit that much harder (and more confusing) to break later on. At this age, children don’t have a great understanding of time — and all too often, telling your toddler to “wait” falls on deaf ears. That’s where a timer can come in handy. If you need another five minutes on the computer, for example, set a timer — either a physical timer or a timing app on your phone — and let your tot watch it until it goes off. This can help make an abstract concept a little more concrete. Rare is the toddler who willingly sits in his car seat (or any seat). But riding unbuckled isn’t an option, so sit in his car seat he must. First, check to see if the straps are too tight or twisted. Your toddler may be protesting because she’s uncomfortable. If the problem is confinement, try distracting your tot right before you put her in the seat: “Look up at the sky” or “Where’s your nose?” If all else fails, blow a raspberry on her belly or tickle her midsection. That should loosen an arching back, allowing you the chance to buckle your little one in place. Going for a walk in the woods? Make sure you dress your toddler in a long-sleeved shirt and tuck her pants into her socks. Ticks — which can transmit diseases like Lyme disease — love to hang out in the tall grass and brushy, wooded areas, where they can crawl up your tot’s legs. You can also treat your little one’s clothing with permethrin, a type of insect repellent, as well as apply a repellent that contains between 10 and 30 percent DEET on any skin that isn’t irritated or cut. At home, do a total-body scan for ticks and toss the clothes in a dryer on high heat for about 10 minutes to ensure a stowaway doesn’t sneak into your home.Your 20-month-old child’s development
At a Glance
Your 20-month-old child’s growth
Your 20-month-old child’s health & care
Toddler tips & info
Reviewed March 22, 2022 From the What to Expect editorial team and Heidi Murkoff, author of What to Expect When You're Expecting. What to Expect follows strict reporting guidelines and uses only credible sources, such as peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions and highly respected health organizations. Learn how we keep our content accurate and up-to-date by reading our medical review and editorial policy.
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